after debating with myself between all the bootcampsI joined Design for the Web, dropped 10kUSD upfront for it.
WOO! DEBT!!
When i made my decision, i weighed the consequences of going into debt. and I decided, I chose to take that responsibility on. me and the family I come from, are not big risk takers or loaners or debts. Interest is considered Haram and that was always drilled into my head. its a whooole different paradigm.
but i needed to break out of that, I had to take this leap of faith, and even if it doesn’t pan out I wont regret it. because I will find value in the experience of it all, whether as a success or a failure. That is the kind of person i want to be, one who doesn’t regret, and the only way to do that is to find value in failure, because failure is inevitable and perfection is impossible.
My parents don’t believe in failure, its the typical Asian/Indian family that aren’t satisfied with anything other than an A++, and I naturally internalized those ideas too.
So im deciding to take those risky moves while i still have the privilege of being their kid instead of buying into their idea of failure and risk aversion. and i recognize this may not even register as a blip to others, which goes to show the crazy wide human experience is.
like perpetual.education is a random ass site thats hard to find and obscure, one I happened to find on reddit in a random comment. pseudo - word of mouth. like surely the bootcamps with the crazy shady marketing are probabilistically more likely to be tangibly beneficial than this, this being something i have no data about AT ALL, other than my own intuition on Derek’s personhood.
I knew i wouldn’t regret it, but i’m so glad i’m having so much fun with this. Theres a sense of direction to my days. everyday feels pleasant and joyous and as someone who’s been in the deeeeeeeeeeeeep hole of depression, theres a tangible difference between the experiences. and its always fascinating watching my mind flip between them. seeing the mental models shift, feeling the figurative visceral literal lights turn on and off.
I like Derek, I like that he genuinely gives a fuck about the students that come to him. it feels like a mentorship. it feels like I’m a blacksmith apprentice learning to smith websites.
I could probably be engaging with my classmates more but i don’t want to fuel that with the anxiety of “i’m not doing that” because that just puts uncomfortable pressure that leads to unnatural interactions.
my mind already jumps to comparisons, how they are amazing, having full professional jobs and doing this program on top. I’m eternally grateful for the life I’ve been given, I work to pay off the debt now that I’m in, and not much more. my family is a privilege, is a blessing.
the fact i get to see this mentorship and the debt to tackle as a challenge for 2023 is itself indicative of my headspace.
and i’m looking forward to the next 5 months!